vandelized. swan.

I grew up in the beautiful city of Center Moriches. Hold the laughter, it is a small city-yes, but it is located in one of the most beautiful spots in the world. Surrounded completely by water, Long Island floats like a giant barge, hanging on to New York by a mystical land called… well, yes New York City. Upon this barge lies a diversity of ethnicities, religions and cultures. It is also a quite schizophrenic society. You have the richest of the rich (Yes, Billy Joel and Kristy Brinkley did reside a few miles down the road… not to mention the precious Hamptons that we all could only dream of settling in one day) yet, then you have the slums of the slums, where even the sun seems to be frothed in a sweater of grey pollution. It’s a crazy place it is.

Lucky for me, our house (I guess I should say Dad’s beautiful house) is located on the water. We have a channel to the back of our house, the bay to the side of our house… and if you were to walk about a block, you would hit an inlet. We have big trees out front, perfect for climbing in, and a “snake-forest” in the back, which is no forest at all, but vines and thorns… Anyhow, growing up on an island, it was only custom to be involved in water sports. From sailing, to fishing, to swimming… Long Islanders are known for their savvy water skills. I was 6 years old when I began riding my bike down to the Yacht club on our bay. (A scary bike ride I must say for those who have awful directional ability… ahem, ME) somehow I made it there safe every time. I always remember, before turning into the beautiful club, stopping and looking at a particular boat house off to the left side of the bay. It was big, and usually harbored some pretty glam boats. The grass was manicured and the boats were continually waxed. In front of this house, there stood a 15 foot pole…this, was to hang sharks from. Yes, this is where I grew up. Quite enthralling I must say. Kate used to sail off this dock; I never got into sailing, although I regret that now. (I do, however have my boaters license, YES … me and my friends the “Sea Galz” bought our very own boat in the eighth grade and got licensed at 14. What a waste of money- ha.)

::Cool music plays::– TEN years later.

Well unfortunately, my family took a different direction a few years later, and my mom and sister and I moved to Florida. Lucky for me, I got to have TWO amazing homes, both in walking distance of the water. In that first year of moving to Florida I flew back to spend some time with the ol’ pops. It was around Christmas time. Now, Long Island is cold as Alaska in the winter. Mucky brown snow banks line the roads… well one day it began to rain, and I decided to take a walk. (I am beginning to realize what a weirdo I can be… ) so it is freezing out, and I decide to throw on a winter coat and some crazy rain coat to go on an adventure. I brought my dad’s ipod, and decided to take some time to reflect and pray…
It was one of those walks where I let my feet decide where I would go, no plan, just started walking. I ended up heading back to that old familiar Yacht club. Ahead of me, I saw a rusty 15 foot pole… flashbacks came flooding in with the rain, as I approached … my breath literally was taken from me. To my left, the beautiful boat house was deserted. The lawn, although covered in a light snow, was ragged, and un-kept. The boards of wood were weathered and tethered. Across the side there were profanities spray painted in a rainbow of colors. I stood there, and began to cry. There was such symbolism in what I saw. This thing, which harbored such beautiful, beautiful boats, was walked out on, abandoned and decrepit. Recently committing to faith in Jesus Christ, I began thinking of how great of a representation this is… of how we have treated this earth that has been granted to us. So much in life is neglected because of the selfish condition of the human paradigm. We are handed jewels, and to keep them brilliant… takes our time, time we don’t have… so we kick it away from us.
How dare we be expected to be good keepers? Things should cater to us.

I began to inwardly reflect on how much I had taken for granted… beauty is fleeting, not in humans only, but in life. It lasts for a season, and it is gone… or is it?

As I stood there listening to Handel’s messiah, almost in sequence with the music, two swans the size of large dogs, come out, in the snow, around front of the boat house, walking side by side. With a backdrop of colorful vandalism, these swans came out and marked my life forever.

Their white feathers were even more brilliant in the contrast of the moment.

“Life is still beautiful, amidst your circumstances, your failures and your abandonment. God’s intent is always beautiful and it far surpasses our ability to screw things up…. ”
I remember it like it was yesterday. That, which is in perfect image of what God intended it to be, the swans, untainted by human garbage, were still beautiful.

To be what God intended us to be. It is such a profound thought- yet, so very, very simple. To love others, to love Jesus and to never compare ourselves with the backdrop of this world and our ever-changing society, because truly… in the end, the contrast of the two will be incomparable, our feathers will only appear whiter… at least to The One who matters.

Domestic normalcy… um, no thanks

 

Friends, the forever type.

 

In July I will be traveling around the world to start a temporary life in Inch’ on, South Korea. I am going with nothing to my name but two suitcases, a backpack and my best friend, Alexandrea. I have no knowledge of the Korean lingo or even much about the country’s history (although I am studying!), but it is one of those opportunities that was just to great to pass up. So I took it!

 

You could say that I am an avid blog-reader, and in reading blogs of people who have moved to South Korea to teach English, as I am, I was always interested in what they felt in the days leading UP to their departure. So I will try my best to document my fears, the frustrating systematic processes that you have to go through to get your E2Visa and all the little things that I know future “South-Korea-go-getters” may want to read.

 

I was scheduled to depart for Inch’ on on May the 25th of this year, but that changed the day I quit my job. (Yes, you could say the timing was “perfect” -sarcasm) I got an email letting me know that the school had to delay my time to the end of July, WHICH actually came as good news. A SUMMER VACATION that I didn’t expect to receive came flooding my way. Days of kayaking, hiking and dates in downtown Chattanooga with my boyfriend, Blake. I picked up some random summer jobs to keep me financially afloat until I leave. The greatest thing about the delay is that my best friend Ally, who has been contemplating teaching in Korea as well, decided that the offer to travel together was just TOO GOOD TO PASS UP, so we are meeting up in Atlanta (She lives in Los Angeles, I live in Tennessee) and boarding a plane together. We will be sharing an apartment together, and yes, even the bed is both of ours.

 

We have had plenty of experience living together over the years. We travelled with a small vocal ensemble 40 weekends a year for our years in college, which was comprised of many hotels and non-solitary bedding. (Including sharing bunks on a tour bus… think coffin…. now, think sharing that coffin. There were many claustrophobic moments to say the least)

 

Over all- I am absolutely elated, ridiculously excited to leave. Many think we (me and Al) are crazy because we are both in serious relationships, on the road to forever… and we are 22 and 23, the age when most are starting out their careers… but that is the great, adventurous, unpredictability of the God we serve… sometimes it doesn’t line up with the books… but it is about following what you feel is the call of God for your life.

 

But what about the war threats?

 

Here’s the deal, how me and Ally see it… we would much rather be in the will of God and be in the most dangerous place in the world, than to be out of the will of God in the comfort and security of our home. Sick. Boring. No thanks. Life is too short to waste it away in business suits and Lexus cages. Give me thrill, give me a ticket, and get me out of here. At least for now.

 

I mean, we have our whole lives ahead of us for domestic normalcy, why start now?

This is the singing group me and Ally performed with for years, she is the third brunette in the front, purple coat... I am right beside her, tall blonde.

Count down time.

Taken care of.

The will of God has an amazing way of working everything out.

 

Have you ever encountered a situation, where you are eating dinner at a fancy restaurant… and as you are enjoying your filet minion, you begin experiencing something in addition to your indigestion… it is guilt brewing in your mind. Besides the ridiculous caloric value of your seared cow, you realize what you are about to shovel out of your wallet… You anxiously await your ticket, and after a while, you break down and ask the server “can I please have my check?” …. She smiles back at you, and says those words everyone loves to hear…

“It’s taken care of”

 

Ah, it is a great feeling. You look over your shoulder and see a table of elderly people who picked up your tab, just for hold the door for them as they walked in slowly. Kindness pays off.

 

God’s like that. He gives us some brief instructions as to how we should live our lives, and when we obey him, he rewards us. And as such, I have had a brilliant day.

 

For those of you who don’t know me and where I am at in life, I have the best job anyone could ever ask for. I work for, in my opinion, the best company there is in the U.S., Life Care Centers of America. Being fresh out of college and in a corporate office, I can assuredly say I am blessed.

 

Well, today, I quit this brilliant, sparkling job. Yes, call me ignorant, I’ll take it. By most standards, I am ignorant, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, I am to go. So in 60 days, I am packing my bags and moving far away to the land of South Korea.

Why? I am not sure. All I know is I am purposed to go there. Call me crazy, I am.

 

As I trembled approaching my boss with my notice, I was reminded, somewhere deeper than my cognitive thought, that there is no room for regret or doubt… I could hardly believe the words I spoke, as I saw my comfortable life whisping in the wind. There is no turning back at this point. The way he responded blew me away. I had prayed the day before that he would enlighten the hearts of those individuals I work with, so that they would not be offended or betrayed. And every associate in my department responded with arms open wide and tears in their eyes. I have never felt so believed in, in all my life.

 

Most of them said they knew this was coming! I didn’t even know it was coming!

 

God is great like that. If he asks you to step out of your career to do something crazy, do it. I promise, he knows what’s best, even when it doesn’t make sense.

 

He pays for your steak every time.

Departing thoughts

For anyone who has a television set, it is pretty apparent that things with my soon-to-be neighbor, North Korea, are a little on the nerve racking side.

 

“You don’t need to travel if there is potential of being stuck in the middle of a war”

“Don’t be foolish”

 

I hear it, I acknowledge it, I logistically understand it… but I am going, as long I am breathing.

 

Some may think I am slightly over-dramatic, others- over-spiritual and I would probably go ahead and say I am a good balance of both. But I have to believe, in my heart of hearts, that until the Lord puts a “stop” in my spirit, that I will proceed full-force.

 

I would rather find myself in a “worse case scenario” and in the will of God, then safe in happy little Cleveland, Tennessee deliberately out of the will of God.

 

How I see it, Christians always like to say “God, here I am! Send me!” … until he asks us to leave our corporate universes, our pretty pay checks and insurance cards, and forfeit a glamorous life. Then we recant ever saying a word to God and pray that he forgets. Well, in most cases He leaves us alone.

 

I never want to be left alone. I pray that God would keep my mind in turmoil, my heart ablaze and my spirit never satisfied… I never want to stop.

 

So, unless some governmental regulation is placed in over my head, I plan on hopping on a jet in 8 weeks and not returning for an additional 52.

 

I believe in divine-calling, and a reason for every individuals life. I thought I had figured mine out, only to come to the harsh realization, that I am clueless of some grand-scale purpose. What I am assured of … is I have one, it is out there… and I will go to the ends of the earth to find it.

 

Even if it takes my lifetime… or, my life.  

First Page Syndrome

This journal is new. The gold along the sides of the paper is still glimmering in my desk lamp. The leather smells like a new car and the pages hold endless possibilities for adventure. ‘First Page Syndrome’, you  avid journal-ers know what I am referencing… you know- where you will wait for your life’s circumstances to perfectly cater to that perfect first journal entry. Even though there is plenty that you can write about, it is not first page worthy. This, is a parallel to that.

 

I am about 8 weeks from the biggest departure of my life. Yes, my passport is being stamped for a 4^th time… destination: Incheon, South Korea, or SOKO as referenced by T.A.L.K.A. After adventuring through the over-populated, underground malls of China last summer and meeting some of the kindest people… I am on to the next big one… And boy, am I ever ready to fly. I will be teaching conversational English in a private elementary school there for a contracted 12 months, with potential of a longer stay, and who knows what comes after that. I have a desire to work with an orphanage in Thailand, something I have been researching now for three years. After saving some much-needed funds in SoKo, I may end up somewhere else in Asia.

 

Am I scared? Sometimes out of my mind, sometimes… I laugh in the face of danger. I look for it at times. It is those moments where my ignorance wears off that I worry about. Hopefully I can stay blissful for the next few weeks. It will be a relief to put in my two weeks notice. As of now, I have to live this secret life.

I am so ready to go God-seeking. I am ready to be in a place where I am uncomfortable and lonely. In a strange way, it is comforting… the Lord has a unique way of drawing closest to me in these moments. I hear his voice clearest in the shadows and valleys.

Right now, I am on top of a mountain. I have a successful career path paved out for me if I were to choose it. I have a great relationship which I could completely and utterly find complete comfort in … if I chose to, and I have a beautiful house, car… name it… the Lord has let me taste it. Yet- satisfaction, the more I think on it… comes not in any of these things. It doesn’t even come within my friendships. There is something beyond this paradigm I am living in… I feel it brewing in my spirit. And although Korea may not answer all of life’s questions, I have no doubts that the Lord has confirmed, over and over, that this is the path destined for my life in 2009-2010.

 

Who knows, maybe I will be a professional wanderer.